“Reasons Couples Divorce”

“Why are so many couples getting divorced?” I’m often asked. John Gottman and his team of researchers at the University of Washington have pinpointed the four most toxic behaviors leading to marital dissatisfaction and dissolution.

“We’re getting divorced because . . .” Spouses in my office cite different reasons for their marital problems and motivations to separate or divorce.

The most frequent reason is poor communication. There are some women who say they prefer the strong silent type; however, most wives in my office say they want open and honest communication with intimate emotional connections. Both husbands and wives want to be heard and understood, known and treasured.

Some of the reasons reported are especially sad changes:

  • Abuse
  • Addiction
  • Adultery
  • Anger (too mean too often)
  • Appearance (she gained weight; he isn’t clean)
  • Arguing (without any resolutions)
  • Clear through to the Z’s

I disagree. If you did the research of exit interviews from a Family Court after divorcing, I think most couples would talk about money and sex, parenting and extended family, unmet expectations and even mental illness.

I think they were in divorce court because they didn’t get their way.

I have come to the conclusion when spouses don’t feel safe and loved, they want power and control.

If some of these causes are happening in your relationships, as early as you detect them, please seek professional help to have the fulfilling marriage you’ve always wanted.

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